suicide bomber kills 4 in tel aviv

its 10.15am on saturday morning and im finding it difficult to type. i keep on thinking to myself i have to be honest about how im feeling. then i realise what im about to write and how ive been feeling all nervous and confused since the bomb went off last night at 11.20pm and imscared to write all this. and then i realise this is it. this is what people want to know. whats it really like huh? u lot didnt come here to read about me going out on the piss or getting bored at ulpan classesw. this is real fucking israel. welcome to the country.

so, i think im going to take you through what happened over the last 11 hours, and also where i was the day bef0re, maybe it will be therapeutic for me, but i think this is what im here to do this morning.

on thursday there was no ulpan cos there was a tiyul to sde boker. i wasnt so interested in going so me and a friend david decided to go to tel aviv for thursday and thursday night and then go and stay at a friend of his parents friday night. the idea was that we could go out in tel aviv thursday night and friday night and spend friday and saturday on the beach. so we got there thursday at about 3pm (we left slightly later than planned!).

we had taken a sherut from rehov yafo in jerusalem to tachana mercazit in jerusalem and then the number 4 sherut to rehov alenby and walked down alenby to the beach. when we got the the beach we went straight to the bar on the sand opposite exactly where the bomb was. so we had a great time in tel aviv, stayed in a lovely hotel with a couple of girls (just friends!!!!!) and went out in tel aviv on thursday night.

we initally drank in another bar further down the beach outside the sheraton where we were staying, but after there were hassles we quickly left and at about 11.30 on thursday nightn me david, heather and limor were on allenby looking for a taxi to take us to another bar. we were about 1 minute from where the bomb went off, exactly the same time the night before. in the mornign on friday we went to the beach. when myslef and heather walked to get some beers we bought them from the supermarket next to where the bomb was. when i say next to i mean next to. then me and david travelled to davids parents friends in a moshav near modiin in the afternoon, of course we walked up allenby from the beach.

the fact is me nd david got quite drunk thursday night and so did the 23 year old son of the guy we were staying with. and even though they arent religious the family still have a shabbat meal of sorts. after dinner we all sat round the tv watching some crappy candid camera programme and all i could think was how muchy i wanted to get out and get back to tel aviv. we had had such fun the night before. i was a little pissed off cos it looked like we might not go out. we watched a movie till 11pm and we had decided in the end not to go to tel aviv but to a bar neaere by. i was a bit pissed off still cos i thought they wouldnt be fun bars, but it wasnt up to me to argue - i wasnt driving. so i thought fuck it, go with the flow.

at 11.20pm i was sitting in the computer room watching some tv while ofir, the son who we were going out with, said we would wait till about 12 and go out. at 11.35pm menachem, ofirs dad shouted downstairs - "ofir, haya pigua btel aviv". i froze, ofir sprang into action, put the tv on, and there it was. theres been a suicide bomb outside the opera house. i started shking , looked at the tv and it was true. i couldnt understand it. how could there be a bomb in tel aviv. the last real bomb was in beer sheva and what everyone had said was cs of the controversial security barrier it was too hard tog et to TA or jerusalem so they had to go south. the mor ei looked at the tv the more i couldnt believe it. we had been there thursday afternoon. and thursday night. and friday mornign. and friday afternoon. this was insane. ive been in israel when a bombs gone off but ive never been so close. and i always find it hard to imagine exactly whereit is. it took months befre i realised where cafe hillel is on emek refaim. but this wasnt heard. its the cente of the beach. its where we were, the whole of the last 2 days.

the first thing i did was call my cousin yael. she told me she was going out in ta last night.
this was the conversation:
J - ru ok yael"
Y - ah, im on dizengoff. im fine.
J - did u hear it?
Y - sort of, it was quiet but we hard the ambulances
J- wherewere u
Y - we were outide mcdonalds about half an hour ago
J - ok bye

then i realised, mcdonalds is right near to the opera house, maybe 5 minutes walk to where the bomb was, and half an hour ago was exactly when it went off.

then i called home, spoke to my dad and andrew, and ze and marxc were there for supper. the more i talked the more shocked i became. first i spoke to dad and told him what had happend, then i spoke to andrew, by the time zoe came i could hardly speak. i felt bad cos dave needed c\to call his family in north carolina, so zoe called me back on the mobile and then i spoke to marc and then dad and then adnrew, all of them tried to calm me down, i tried to calm them down. it was fucked up.

then ofir said fuck it.olets go, and we went to this cool bar and forgot about it all till we got back at about 4.30am. then it hit us again. we checked the number of casualties - 4 killed 35 wounded, and sat and watched sky news smoking nargilla. we chatted till about 5.30am, ofir talking about the effect the bombss and terrorism has had on him and how we feel about. by the timewe were supposed to go to bed it had hit me again. i just couldnt believe that if we had gone to tel aviv as we had wanted to do and planned to in the first place we could have been there. we could have thought that looks like and alright club lets go there. before we went to bed me and dave spoke about going down to the scene tommorrow to place a candle.

this is it people. bit of a fucking culture shock huh. the point is that we felt aso comfortable there, on the beach, at the bar opposite the stage. this was our plce. all we spoke about was how we cant wait to get out of jerusalem and come and live in tel aviv.

so now its the mornign. i just got a little bit of fresh air and we are geting a taxi to yaels in half an hour and then were going to see her parents in herzaliya.

the wierd thing is that i suddenly realised half an hour ago, this is the first time for about 3 and a hlaf years that i had completely lost my journalistic instinct. i tried to go on msn just a few minutes before the bomb. id said hello to a friend of mine who is a freelance photographer. i met him when iwas in israel for my friend vigs wedding in august 2003.

id been staying at yaels in tel aviv when a bomb went off. in the morning daniella peled called me and asked me if i would go to jerusalem to hadassah and interview ppl who were on the bus, ppl whos family were on the bus and were waiting for news, doctors and zaka. i did it and my journalistic instinct took over. (i got a front page, im sure u lot remember). ben is the photographer guy who came with and took the pix.

so when i came back i checked the internet and he said to me - theres been a bomb, get down to the hospital. i just looked at it and thought he was crazy.how could i think about work at a time like this! this morning i realised what had happened. i couldnt believe i had done that. i mean its unlikely i would have gone there, but i thought, this was it. all the timei spoke about aliya i always said if theres ia bomb ill go and cover it. i still can. but if i went last night i would have got an exclusive and made lots and lots of money. how many reporters are working on friday night. i would have got hundreds of quotes and been able to sell stories all round the world. but it wsnt in me. i couldnt even think about it let alone do it.

so there u go people.
welcome to my world.
like yale said to me this morning when i said what did u do after i spoke to u.she said what could we do. were not letting a pigua ruin our evening. we went and found somewhere to sit and had a coffee. theres no point going home and just getting depressed watching it on tv.

sohere i am. ofirs just ordered the cab and in half an hour we are going to be driving back to tel aviv and then to herzaliya. tonight we have plans to go out in jerusalem. have i considered not going out in town? of course. but then i understood. if i come here then i come here.
i made aliya because of the connection between me and israel. anyone who knows me knows that im destined for thsi place. i love it here. i feel comfortable here. londons boring israels interesting.
well it definately proved thaty tonight.
love u all
J xxx